Excerpts from "Virgin S-E-X"

Chapter One:  Why Do Girls Have Sex?

Jayne had her first sexual experience at 15. Her boyfriend, "Juan" was 16. He was a "real cutie." Jayne really loved Juan, and therefore she would do anything to make him happy. He wanted to have sex but she didn’t. They talked about it and they compromised. Jayne would "take care of" Juan on a regular basis by giving him oral sex. The first time they shared this experience, Jayne was "grossed out" by the act. Mostly, she didn’t like Juan coming (or ejaculating semen) in her mouth. She found it unpleasant to say the least, but after a few kisses, a little making out, she would just give him a "blow job." On Friday and Saturday nights, at a minimum, since she wouldn’t "put out, she had to give Juan his blow job" or she feared he would break up with her and find someone who would "give it up."

Ten years later, Jayne came into therapy, engaged to a new boyfriend and seeking treatment before she got married, because she really didn’t want to have sex. When she did engage in sexual acts, in spite of her feelings for her boyfriend, she would cry afterwards...

...Melissa was 14, and she really liked Nick, who was 17. She and Nick had been going out for about two months, and they had a lot of fun together, like going to the movies, meeting with friends, walking around the neighborhood, listening to music, and going out to eat. Melissa really enjoyed the time she spent with Nick and hanging out with each other’s friends, too. They had kissed, and after a while began to do some big time making out, including touching each other. After only a couple of weeks, Nick began to pressure Melissa to have sex. Melissa was a virgin and she wanted to save sex for when she got married. Nick got mad every time she would stop him from touching her below the waist or from putting her hand on his penis.

Melissa started feeling really uncomfortable about situations when she knew they were going to be alone because Nick would expect her to make out with him. After three months of going out, Nick told her that if she didn’t "put out," he was going to break up with her and find someone else who would have sex with him. Melissa really liked Nick and didn’t want to lose him, so she finally gave in to him.

Sex hurt Melissa physically and she didn’t even like it a little bit. Every time they got together after that, Nick expected to have sex with her, and Melissa would just close her eyes and let him have sex with her while she cried. Nick didn’t like it that Melissa wouldn’t "get into it," so he broke up with her anyway, after they had been together sexually about seven or eight times.

Melissa wanted me to tell my readers that she really regretted giving in to Nick, that she wished she had never had sex with him. She did really like him, but she knew she simply wasn’t ready for sex. She did it just so he wouldn’t break up with her. As it turns out, they broke up shortly after they had sex anyway, and consequently, she found out that he really didn’t care about her feelings, even when she was having sexual intercourse with him. She said it was not "lovemaking," like she imagined first sex would be. It wasn’t this great, loving connection that she thought sex would make her have with Nick. Because of her choice to have sex with Nick, she stayed away from serious relationships with guys for quite a while after the end of that relationship because she just didn’t want to deal with the sexual pressure...

...more ->